By William Strong, Denver Therapist
Parents often find it difficult to navigate the boundaries between leniency and firmness when dealing with their children. While they want to communicate such feelings as disappointment or disapproval, many parents err by allowing themselves to express these emotions in tones of anger or hostility. Rather than educating their children so that they can handle new issues as they arise, aggression and intimidation sometimes make children less likely to address problems than to try to hide them.
Successful discipline gives children the tools to objectively process emotions in the midst of daily and extraordinary situations so that they can make rational, thoughtful choices about appropriate action and reaction. By validating children’s feelings such as rage, exasperation, and sadness, parents acknowledge that these emotions are understandable. Confirmation of the normalcy of their reactions also teaches children to be compassionate and empathetic to others who might experience similar strong feelings.
While anger safeguards people from vulnerability caused by such primary emotions as humiliation and pain, giving in to anger time after time may become a conscious demonstration of power. As challenging as it may be for parents not to give in to their anger, they serve as a model for children by refraining from shouting, put-downs, and other antagonistic behavior. Although one’s initial reaction may be to vent feelings, patience ultimately offers a more fruitful environment for the development of a child’s character.
About the author: Denver therapist William Strong treats children, adolescents, adults, and families. With more than 20 years of experience, he employs innovative methods and a thoughtful approach to helping people cope with the difficulties of life. In addition to his practice, he donates time and therapeutic services for local schools, United Way, Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Colorado, and other charities.
William Strong 